I haven’t seen the new “Star Trek” film, which is accused of being a remake of the second “Star Trek” film, “The Wrath of Khan.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5r9qbvrprTU

Dayton Ward disagrees with that assessment, but goes with it anyway:

Strictly as an exercise in goofy fun, I posited the idea that rather than taking bits or pieces from previous series or films to fill out the storyline for a new movie, that we should compile a list of episodes which all but beg for a wholesale remake. Fans for years have speculated what extravagant do-overs of the most memorable episodes from the original series in particular might look like on the big screen. So, I figured, “What the heck?” Why not engage in a little fanboy wish-listing? …

Presented here in alphabetical order, the results of our little online experiment:

“Balance of Terror,” suggested by Joseph Berenato on my Facebook page – Virtually nothing is known about the Romulans in the “alternate reality” created by the Abrams Star Trek films. Just as the original episode introduced us to the enigmatic alien race, so too could a reworked and expanded version of the story. With room to breathe a bit, there would be more time for character interplay, including the fleshing out of back story for the Romulans and their culture. The scope of the film also could be opened up, with scenes set away from the Enterprise and the Romulan ship, such as at one of the destroyed outposts or a new planet-based location. Would Kirk and the Romulan Commander battle each other face to face, or would the ship-based aspects of the original tale still rule the day? …

“The City on the Edge of Forever,” suggested by Joseph Berenato on my Facebook page – Widely regarded as one of Star Trek’s finest hours—if not the finest hour—what would it take to update and expand this story to feature film length and scope? To be honest, I don’t have the first clue, and maybe it should never be attempted, but if a decision is ever made to revisit this classic tale, then there really is only one person suited to the task: the episode’s original writer, the incomparable Harlan Ellison. Perhaps the answer lies not with the televised episode, but within Ellison’s original screenplay, the development of which is worth a book all its own…so much so that Ellison himself already wrote it! Somewhere within the different versions of the story may well lay the seeds for a new take on Captain Kirk’s ultimate tragic romance. …

“The Doomsday Machine” – Are you kidding? One of the most iconic episodes from any of the Star Trek series is just screaming for a big-budget revamping. This is an absolute no-brainer for me. Just think of what an expanded storyline could do to give us more background on Commodore Matt Decker and his crew, before and during their fateful encounter with the mammoth alien machine. We could even get some insight into the beings who built the thing (just so long as they don’t turn out to be evolved hamsters, or something). And of course it’s just the kind of story that lends itself to the eye-popping space scenes that drive summer blockbusters. Besides, who doesn’t want to see Karl Urban’s Doctor McCoy give Crazy Matt the business? The great Norman Spinrad’s still around, so I say let him have first crack at updating and enhancing his original tale. …

“Errand of Mercy” – If Star Trek Into Darkness showed us anything, it’s that a Federation confrontation with the Klingons is likely, if not inevitable. Somebody’s already drooling at the prospect of the massive, all-out Star Wars-style battle sequences which are sure to litter a tale like this. With that in mind, let’s be sure to have a nice balance of action in space and some of that great character work Star Trek can do when it’s firing on all cylinders. Give Chris Pine’s Captain Kirk a worthy adversary in the form of Commander Kor, who can be a thorn in his side for many years to come. This also is the kind of story which could be fleshed out so as to include plenty of good material for the rest of the cast while Kirk and Spock are dealing with Kor. As for the Organians? Well, Star Trek never really followed up on what the original episode established, so it’s pretty much a blank page so far as what these omnipotent super beings might do, given the chance. …

“In A Mirror, Darkly” (Star Trek: Enterprise) – In truth, I figure any movie featuring the Mirror Universe also would take cues from original Star Trek episodes “Mirror Mirror” and “The Tholian Web.” If the filmmakers wanted to use this conceit as a means of showcasing the “old school” U.S.S. Defiant and the original series aesthetic in order to represent the original timeline, I’d be game. Maybe part of an expanded story using elements from the various episodes could be used to show how Mirror Spock deals with his Captain Kirk. I wonder what Zachary Quinto would look like in a beard? Or, maybe they tweak the idea enough so that Leonard Nimoy could be Mirror Spock. Also, is Trek fandom ready for “Empress Nyota?” I think we could handle it. …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTgpOxFfcnE

“Mudd’s Women”/”I, Mudd” or “The Trouble With Tribbles,” suggested by Melissa Nickerson and John Ordover on my Facebook page – During the discussion we had about this topic over on Facebook, friend and former Pocket Books Star Trek fiction editor John Ordover made the point that after the fairly intense storylines which have dominated the last few films, it might well be time to lighten things up a bit. Just as Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home was a definite change of pace following the first three movies, so too could a fresh take on a lovable rogue adversary like Harry Mudd or Cyrano Jones. Tackling a more whimsical tale would depend in large part on the actor chosen for the pivotal role of the scoundrel du jour. For my money, I can see Alan Tudyk (Wash from Firefly) as Mudd, but what about Jones? Hmmm?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fu2VYYv5WVI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VM1f0RKQtmc

This, first, is an outstanding list, combining my two favorite episodes (“Balance of Terror” and “The Doomsday Machine”), the most award-winning episode (“City on the Edge of Forever”), and two other favorites (“Mirror, Mirror” and “The Trouble with Tribbles”). The Harcourt Fenton Mudd episodes are amusing, but “I, Mudd” was over-the-top campy, though the use of the Liar’s Paradox is great.

Each of the original episodes was longer than an hour-long series today, because the networks jam in more commercials. Many episodes required substantial pre-filming script editing. Science fiction writer Harlan Ellison wrote “City,” which required enormous rewrites because creator Gene Roddenberry objected to Ellison’s characterization of some of the Enterprise’s crew. “Tribbles” author David Gerrold typed his script on a 12-pica IBM Selectric typewriter (remember those?), and when, as the studios did in those days, Desilu distributed the first draft of the script as retyped using a 10-pitch typewriter, it was 90 pages long. At one minute per page, Gerrold said, that could have been the first 90-minute episode of “Star Trek.”

The problem, however, is how to add material without padding to stretch a one-hour TV episode into a two-hour movie. This might be easiest in the case of “Balance of Terror,” because it was based on a movie, “The Enemy Below.” A movie could delve into the backstory of Romulans and Vulcans being related, along with the particular anti-Romulan animus of the navigator in the original. (That, however, is a character not in the current version of “Star Trek” — Chekov arrived in the second season.)

“The Enemy Below” was about a U.S. destroyer and a German submarine, each pursuing the other in the North Atlantic. The German sub had a war-weary captain and his friend the executive officer, plus other characters including a more-Nazi-than-thou officer. There is one scene while the sub is in silent running where the captain looks at his exec to have him look at super-Nazi, who is of course reading Mein Kampf. The exec looks back at the captain and shrugs. The scene could not have been done better.

“The Enemy Below” shows that while the Germans were the enemy, not all Germans were that different from the Allies. (Which is different from claiming that the Axis and the Allies were equally bad.) “Balance of Terror” is similar in showing a Romulan captain who does his job well and carries out his orders without necessarily agreeing with them.

As for “The Doomsday Machine,” there’s a sequel option there too if any more “Star Trek: The Next Generation” movies are made. One of the better TNG novels, Vendetta, posits that the doomsday machine was created by a race at war with … the Borg. Some of the action in the original occurs off-screen — the machine eating a planet onto which Commodore Decker’s crew was beamed down after the machine damaged Decker’s ship — and obviously could be included to devastating effect. (Imagine watching the planet you’re standing on destroyed — watching your own death.)

The scene where Kirk orders Spock to relieve Decker (Kirk’s superior officer) of command is not only one of the greatest moments in the history of the series (all five series and all the movies), it is quintessential Kirk and a demonstration of why Kirk was the superior captain to all the rest. Kirk would do anything for his ship, including blatantly violate not just Starfleet regulations, but protocol of any military in the history of mankind.

“Tribbles” would be an interesting choice, because there’s more there than casual viewers might think. Gerrold wrote that James Doohan, who played Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott, who had to clean up the tribbles from the Enterprise, pointed out that the tribble crisis could have cost Captain Kirk his command thanks to a series of events beyond Kirk’s control combined with Kirk’s antagonism toward the Federation bureaucrat in charge of the quadrotriticale project. The episode had the Enterprise protecting a shipment of wheat — sorry, quadrotriticale — on a space station for a planet experiencing a famine, when along comes Cyrano Jones and his tribbles, followed closely by the Klingons. What happens if the tribbles eat all the grain? (Apparently tribbles are not gluten-intolerant. And as viewers know, if you feed a tribble, you get a bunch of hungry little tribbles.) What happens if the Klingons attack the space station? What if the Organians give Sherman’s Planet to the Klingons? Any of those scenarios would probably be a career-killer for Kirk.

The problem with any of these, of course, is the inevitable comparisons between J.J. Abrams’ “Star Trek” and the original. It’s impossible to imagine, for instance, better music than the original “Doomsday Machine” soundtrack …

… which was also used for “Journey to Babel,” “Mirror, Mirror,” “Obsession,” “The Immunity Syndrome” and other episodes.

There’s also the larger issue of why not just a series, but an episode is being remade. Of course, the long and dreary list of TV-sh0ws-turned-inferior-movies — “Wild Wild West,” anyone? — shows that ship sailed a long time ago, and is a subject that would take up far more space than this blog.