A reader of the headline is justified in asking: What the hell is this? (Or, to quote author Dorothy Parker, “What fresh hell is this?”)

Explanation number one dates back one decade, when at the same time I had just started announcing for The Ripon Channel while running for the Ripon Board of Education. One day, the Tigers’ two sectional basketball games (the second of which led to Ripon’s first state tournament berth since 1936) and the school board candidate forum were on the same day. In other words, I was on every Ripon Channel show that day. Which led my wife to call it “Steve TV — all Steve, all the time.”

Explanation number two is the joke that occasionally rears its ugly head about my hosting a radio or online talk show. As you know, I once announced a football game myself because my game partner fell through the stairs of the press box before the game. Does anyone want to hear just my voice for three hours?

Explanation number three is the movie “The Tao of Steve” …

… in which the lead character identifies the three coolest men on the planet as Steve McGarrett …

(now both versions, each of which had theme music originally written by Morton Stevens)

… Steve Austin of “The Six Million Dollar Man …”

… and actor Steve McQueen:

What do I have in common with these three Steves? I have blue eyes. I’m three inches taller than McGarrett 1.0 and two inches taller than McGarrett 2.0.

Before we resume: “Stephen” came from the Greek Στέφανος meaning “crown” or “garland.” Variations include “Esteban” (Spanish), “Étienne”  or “Stéphane” (French), Styve (Quebec), Stefan (German and Polish), Steffen (Norwegian), Tapani (Finnish), Stefano (Italian), Stefanus (Latin), Istfanous (Arabic), Kepano (Hawaiian), Steafán (Irish) and Stìobhan (French Gaelic), among others. The first Stephen was the saint, the Roman Catholic Church’s first martyr, whose day is Dec. 26. According to Wikipedia, which you know is always correct, there have been nine Popes named Stephen. Stephen was the 19th most popular name for American boys in 1951 and third most popular in Great Britain in 1954, but it slipped to 201st in 2009, according to the Social Security Administration.

So why is Steve my name? It’s because of my grandparents. Stephen is my father’s middle name, because he was born on St. Stephen’s Day. His parents gave him his father’s first name, so to (one assumes) prevent confusion around the house, he was called Steve, something commonplace once upon a time but hardly seen anymore. My first and middle names are the reverse of my father’s, which resulted in both mail and telephone calls going to the wrong Steve once I was old enough to sound like Dad on the phone. Stephen is our oldest son’s middle name, so perhaps there will be a future Steve Prestegard some generations down the line, but neither of us should be getting the other’s mail or phone calls.

Back to our theme: There’s even a superhero named Steve — Captain America, real name Steve Rogers. Wonder Woman’s story began when she rescued U.S. Army Maj. Steve Trevor after his plane crashed.

The single father on “My Three Sons” was aeronautical engineer Steve Douglas.

But there are other Steves of note. Steve Allen, hard to describe because of the breadth of his abilities:

Steve Buscemi:

Steve Carell of “The Office”:

Steve Forrest:

Stephen Lang of “Crime Story,” “Avatar” and “Terranova”:

Steve Martin:

Steve TV would certainly have great movies, featuring not only the aforementioned Steve actors, but the works of Stephen King …

… and Steven Spielberg:

… and, if you want to call him an actor, Steven Seagal, I suppose:

There are a few Steves in music, such as Stevie Wonder …

… Milwaukee native Steve Miller …

… Steve Winwood …

… Stephen Stills of Crosby Stills Nash and (sometimes) Young …

… Steven Tyler of Aerosmith …

… Steve Perry of Journey …

… Steve Lukather of Toto …

… Steve Marriott of Humble Pie …

… Little Steven Van Zandt of Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band …

… and Stevie Ray Vaughan (R.I.P.):

To prove that not everyone named Steve is utterly lacking in athletic talent, Steve TV would also have a lot of classic sports, featuring, among others, Heisman Trophy winner and national champion coach Steve Spurrier …

… Steve Carlton …

… Steve Garvey (a member of the 1981 World Series champion Dodgers with Steves Yeager, Sax and Howe) …

… Steve Alford …

… former Packer Steve Odom …

… Steve Young …

… Steve Yzerman …

… former New York Ranger Stephane Matteau, who never has to buy drinks in New York City because of …

… and Steve Nash:

Who scored the game-winning points (as defined by one more point than Stevens Point) in the 1982 WIAA Class A boys basketball championship? Steve Amundson.

Steve TV will have to have news, of course, presented each night by Steve Kroft …

And I think Fox News Channel’s “Forbes on Fox” needs to move off Fox to Steve TV.

Steve TV programs would have to be produced on Macintosh computers, of course, in memory of Steve Jobs.

The third thing that prompted all this was a Wall Street Journal story about companies that made action hero dolls based on the purchaser’s specifications. The graphic accompanying the story had a doll called “SUPER STEVE, MAN OF ACTION!”

So what would be the format of a show called “Super Steve, Man of Action”? Tune in next week, same time, same channel.

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