The Meitivs live in suburban Montgomery County, Md., which is a bedroom for many Washington bureaucrats who make their living minding other peopleâs business. The Meitivs, to encourage independence and self-reliance, let their ten- and six-year-old children walk home alone from a park about a mile from their home. For a second time, their children were picked up by police, this time three blocks from home. After confinement in a squad car for almost three hours, during which the police never called or allowed the children to call the Meitivs, the children were given to social workers who finally allowed the parents to reclaim their children at about 11 p.m. on a school night. The Meitivsâ Kafkaesque experiences concluded with them accused of âunsubstantiatedâ neglect.
Todayâs saturating media tug children beyond childhood prematurely, but not to maturity. Children are cosseted by intensive parenting that encourages passivity and dependency, and stunts their abilities to improvise, adapt, and weigh risks. Mark Hemingway, writing at the Federalist, asks: âYou know what itâs called when kids make mistakes without adult supervision and have to wrestle with the resulting consequences? Growing up.â
Increased knowledge of early-childhood development has produced increased belief in a âscienceâ of child rearing. This has increased intolerance of parenting that deviates from norms that are as changeable as most intellectual fads.
“Intensive parentingâ is becoming a government-enforced norm. Read âThe day I left my son in the carâ (Salon), Kim Brooksâs essay on her ordeal after leaving her four-year-old in the car as she darted into a store for about five minutes. Writing in the Utah Law Review, David Pimentel of Ohio Northern University notes that at a moment when âchildren have never been safer,â government is abandoning deference to parentsâ discretion in child rearing. In 1925, the Supreme Court affirmed the right of parents âto direct the upbringing and education of children.â Today, however, vague statutes that criminalize child âneglectâ or âendangermentâ undermine the social legitimacy of parental autonomy. And they ignore the reality that almost every decision a parent makes involves risks. Let your child ride a bike to school, or strap her into a car for the trip? Which child is more at risk, the sedentary one playing video games and risking obesity, or the one riding a bike? It is, Pimentel says, problematic for the legal system to enforce cultural expectations when expectations, partly shaped by media hysteria over rare dangers such as child abductions, are in constant flux.
Time was, colleges and universities acted in loco parentis to moderate undergraduatesâ comportment, particularly regarding sex and alcohol. Institutions have largely abandoned this, having decided that students are mature possessors of moral agency. But institutions have also decided that although undergraduates can cope with hormones and intoxicants, they must be protected from discomforting speech, which must be regulated by codes and confined to âfree-speech zones.â Uncongenial ideas must be foreshadowed by âtrigger warnings,â lest students, who never were free-range children and now are as brittle as pretzels, crumble. Young people shaped by smothering parents come to college not really separated from their âhelicopter parents.â Such students come convinced that the world is properly devoted to guaranteeing their serenity, and that their fragility entitles them to protection from distressing thoughts.
As Penn State historian Gary Cross says, adolescence is being redefined to extend well into the 20s, and the âclustering of rites of passageâ into adulthood â marriage, childbearing, permanent employment â âhas largely disappeared.â Writing in the Chronicle of Higher Education, Cross says that âdelayed social adulthoodâ means that âin 2011, almost a fifth of men between 25 and 34 still lived with their parents,â where many play video games: âThe average player is 30 years old.â The percentage of men in their early 40s who have never married âhas risen fourfold to 20 percent.â
In the 1950s, Cross says, with Jack Kerouac and Hugh Hefner âthe escape from male responsibility became a kind of subculture.â Today, oldies radio and concerts by septuagenarian rockers nurture the cult of youth nostalgia among people who, wearing jeans, T-shirts, and sneakers all the way, have slouched from adolescence to Social Security without ever reaching maturity.
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