Wisconsinites will be told that tomorrow is the first day of spring.

This is a lie.

There will be no spring this year. Or summer. Or fall.

This obscenity is the six- to 10-day temperature forecast, released by the National Weather Service Climate Prediction Center Sunday. And this …

… is the CPC’s 8- to  14-day forecast — basically next week’s weather. As you can guess, blue means cold.

Either the CPC is incompetent, or Mother Nature is making the CPC look bad. This was the March temperature forecast released at the end of February:

How do you feel about snow?

(As you can imagine, green means wet.)

I conclude from the evidence outside — new snow and, as of tonight, single-digit temperatures — that the words “summer” and “Wisconsin” will never again be uttered in the same sentence. No more boating. No more non-ice fishing. No more driving collector cars, or motorcycles. No air conditioning. No open windows. No shorts or short-sleeve shirts. No golf or outdoor tennis. No baseball anywhere besides Miller Park with the roof closed. You might as well cancel the outdoor concerts, farmers’ markets, school summer vacation, outdoor swimming and everything else that makes this state barely livable. Soon everyone in this damnable state will look like the victims of albinism.

None of the activities in this new state Department of Tourism photo will be taking place anymore in this state (possibly to the relief of actor Robert Hays, who the commercial’s creators try to kill):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rku65V84pwo

Consider this: Since Jan. 1, where I live, it has never been warmer than 43. The weather geeks use the term “degree days,” meaning the number of days above or below a certain temperature and the number of degrees below that temperature. The number of cooling degree days — days warmer than 65 — total zero. The number of growing degree days — days warmer than 50 — total zero. The average temperature as defined by heating degree days — days below 65 multiplied by the number of degrees below 65 — totals 23. One day, it was 7 below zero. People die when it’s 7 below zero.

I hate Wisconsin.