Daily Archives: May 1, 2011

Welcome to Na’ar, Osama

While we wait for whatever’s stopping President Obama from announcing Osama bin Laden’s death, Fox News is calling this a great triumph for the U.S., and NBC News is calling it a great triumph for Obama.

Whatever.

After the 9/11 terrorist attacks,  masterminded by bin Laden, the Onion ran this piece:

Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell

JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS—The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na’ar, Islam’s Hell.
“I was promised I would spend eternity in Paradise, being fed honeyed cakes by 67 virgins in a tree-lined garden, if only I would fly the airplane into one of the Twin Towers,” said Mohammed Atta, one of the hijackers of American Airlines Flight 11, between attempts to vomit up the wasps, hornets, and live coals infesting his stomach. “But instead, I am fed the boiling feces of traitors by malicious, laughing Ifrit. Is this to be my reward for destroying the enemies of my faith?”
The rest of Atta’s words turned to raw-throated shrieks, as a tusked, asp-tongued demon burst his eyeballs and drank the fluid that ran down his face.

Feel free to click here, substitute “bin Laden” for any hijacker reference, and enjoy.

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